Finding Freedom in the Ugly
Mindfulness Talk
Ever use a socket wrench? The phrase “childlike wonder” puts a smile on our face and a bit of wisp in our breath. Ahh. Well this weekend I got to experience a different kind of childlike: “awkward learner”. Yep, not quite the same.
In the past, learning a new skill typically put me into a fight with my inner, awkward, ugly teenager. But this time, I found myself embracing my pimply self. As I made mistakes with my socket wrench, I didn’t get silly-embarraced or self-denegrating. I stayed serious, but didn’t take myself seriously. Big difference!
As I struggled with my project, I didn’t hear those teenage echoes like, “maybe you’re not smart enough for this” or “I bet others pick this up faster than you”. I accepted myself for the awkward learner that I was - lumps, bumps, pimples and all.
It was freeing to be in the ugly place! No perfection, no performance goals. Just me and my at-home-jeans (the ones that ride my hips forcing my belly fat to flop over the edge) trying something awkwardly new.
Instead of fighting my inner teenager, I went back to that place as the grown-up that I am. Comfortable with my real, whole self.
Meditation
Finding Present Meditation:
Place your thumbs on the space just outside your eyes, and place your fingers on the space between your eyes. Breathe and imagine wearing nerdy teenage glasses. Just breathe and feel the weight of those glasses.
Now slowly, with each breath, begin to lift your fingers away from your face and feel the weight of the glasses slowly disappearing with each breath. Just breathe and notice as the weight slowly lessens up. When the weight has disappeared completely, just breathe still feeling the glasses - they are a part of you - but the weight of them is gone. Just the warmth remains. Just breathe and enjoy the freedom.
When you are ready, open your eyes and end here, Or, begin the mindfulness meditation.
Mindfulness Meditation:
Place your hands around your head. Breathe and imagine sporting the worst haircut you ever had. Just breathe and feel the weight of that haircut. Don’t be surprised if a memory or a feeling or a thought enters your mind. Just notice it for a bit, and then let it fade away.
Now slowly, with each breath, begin to lift your hands away from your head and feel the weight of it slowly disappearing with each breath. Just breathe and notice as the weight slowly lessens up. When the weight has disappeared completely, just breathe still feeling the haircut - it’s a part of you - but the weight of it is gone. Just the warmth remains. Just breathe and enjoy the freedom.
Place your hands on your chest. Breathe and imagine your preteen or teenage chest. Just breathe and feel the weight of that chest. Don’t be surprised if a memory or a feeling or a thought enters your mind. Just notice it for a bit, and then let it fade away.
Now slowly, with each breath, begin to lift your hands away from your chest and feel the weight of it slowly disappearing with each breath. Just breathe and notice as the weight slowly lessens up. When the weight has disappeared completely, just breathe still feeling that chest - it’s a part of you - but the weight of it is gone. Just the warmth remains. Just breathe and enjoy the freedom.
Place your hands on your hips. Breathe and imagine your awkward teenage self trying to use the sway of those hips. Just breathe and feel the weight of those hips. Don’t be surprised if a memory or a feeling or a thought enters your mind. Just notice it for a bit, and then let it fade away.
Now slowly, with each breath, begin to lift your hands away from your hips and feel the weight of it slowly disappearing with each breath. Just breathe and notice as the weight slowly lessens up. When the weight has disappeared completely, just breathe still feeling those hips - it’s a part of you - but the weight of it is gone. Just the warmth remains. Just breathe and enjoy the freedom.
Closing Routine:
When you are ready, rub fingers together and take three cleansing breaths. Or use any closing routine that works for you.
