Why is it so hard to bounce back?

Mindfulness Talk

The ol’ bounce back certainly has its time and place.  Anyone who has worked in sales or serving is agile at taking an insult to the chin and turning to the next customer with a smile.  Anyone who has taught or parented children is nimble at taking a barb and still remaining calm.  Bouncing back is a great term to describe situations where we need to spring right back into shape after taking a blow.

But bouncing backing is not a great term for describing most other negative experiences. Most of the time, a quick bounce back isn’t preferred at all.  In fact, a quick bounce back is often insincere. Bouncing back doesn’t honor the message you were supposed to receive. 

If the negative experience brought you a little (or a lot of) shame, bouncing back wouldn’t give you nearly the amount of time it takes to think through which personal moral code you broke and why.  Or the time it takes to think through if that particular code is still one that even holds true to you anymore.  These things take time! 

If the experience brought you worry, bouncing back skips right over the question of what about the future you are worried about. And it certainly doesn't provide the time needed for a full examination of what you do want, and why you’re not sure you have the tools to get there.  This requires time and energy to inventory what skills you have and what you need to ask for.  

Bouncing back doesn't even give you the time needed to deal with anger.  The message of “what got bruised” is an invaluable one that takes time to sort out.  And then there is the process of restoring that bruise to its previous strength (or even stronger).  

Bouncing back is so very hard, because it’s probably not what you need.  You need resilience.  And resilience is something that is forged.  It comes from honoring the message that the negative experience brought to you, and then either fortifying or adjusting.  If you rush the message, you’re going to end up not trusting your own voice.  And is that worth bouncing back quickly for? We both know the answer to that.

Meditation

Finding Present Meditation:

Find a ball or something else to squeeze.  Take an inhale, and squeeze that “gotta bounce back soon” message right out of your body. Take an exhale, and remind your body that resilience takes time.  Continue to inhale and exhale.

When you are ready, open your eyes and end here.  Or, begin the mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness Meditation:

Note: This meditation is not designed to solve the negative experience.  It’s designed to give you the strength to take the time that you need. 

Begin by squeezing the muscles of your face.  As you breathe and squeeze, remind yourself that you can trust your own voice and the messages that it brings you.  Don’t be surprised if a memory or thought or feeling arises.  It might have to do with the negative experience, or it might be something completely different.  Don’t wonder why it rose up in your mind, just notice it and gently squeeze and breathe until it floats away.

Now release your face muscles, and begin squeezing your chest and arms.  As you breathe and squeeze, remind yourself that you can trust your own voice and the messages that it brings you.  Don’t be surprised if a memory or thought or feeling arises.  Just notice, and gently squeeze and breathe until it floats away.

Release your chest and arms, and begin squeezing your stomach and core muscles.  As you breathe and squeeze, remind yourself that you can trust your own voice and the messages that it brings you.  Don’t be surprised if a memory or thought or feeling arises.  Just notice, and gently squeeze and breathe until it floats away.

Release your stomach, and begin squeezing your pelvic floor muscles (as if you are stopping your pee).  As you breathe and squeeze, remind yourself that you can trust your own voice and the messages that it brings you.  Don’t be surprised if a memory or thought or feeling arises.  Just notice, and gently squeeze and breathe until it floats away.

Release your pelvic floor, and begin squeezing your seat, legs and feet muscles.  As you breathe and squeeze, remind yourself that you can trust your own voice and the messages that it brings you.  Don’t be surprised if a memory or thought or feeling arises.  Just notice, and gently squeeze and breathe until it floats away. Release.

Now just breathe and enjoy the release.

Closing Routine:

When you are ready, rub fingers together and take three cleansing breaths. Or use any closing routine that works for you. 

If you want to dive deeper into different emotions and the message that they are bringing to you, I highly recommend the book: The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, M.ed.

Or her Language of Emotions cards: https://karlamclaren.com/bookshop/