When a Past Memory Hovers Around

A Letting Go Technique 

Mindfulness Talk:

As a recent empty-nester, I’ve been having some past parenting memories pop up that were not my best hour.  Actually “pop up” isn’t the right word, because it implies that they quickly leave.  Instead, I think they’ve been sticking around in the background, hovering in the shadows, maybe even haunting me a bit.  Yikes!  

But here’s the thing. These memories are stored in the shadow place not because that’s how we feel about it now, but because of how we felt about it then. Memories are experienced, sorted and shipped off to their respective place in our brain as soon as they happen. New brain research suggests that a signaling molecule called neurotensin acts like a train-track switch operator in the brain. It determines whether a memory takes the "positive" or "negative" track. The train stops, the memory gets off, and that’s where it stays. Unfortunately, research also shows that negative memories hover around longer and stronger than positive ones because negative memories are connected to survival.

But what if we went back to that memory and convinced it that we learned our lesson and that we no longer need it for survival. Could we put it back on the track and send it to the positive place? Meditation says yes!!

Use the following meditation technique whenever you notice a negative memory hovering around. Like naughty children, these negative memories might need repeated reminders. LOL Be the patient mother/father, and lovingly guide the memory out of the shadow place as many times as it needs.

Meditation

Finding Present Meditation:‍ ‍

Look up at the sky or find a picture of a cloud-filled sky. Continue looking, or close your eyes and imagine that sky filled with clouds.

Imagine a sky that is filled with all kinds of thoughts and memories like clouds.  There is a lifetime of thought/memory clouds up there.

Notice that not all the clouds look alike. Some are wispy, some are dense, some are fluffy. But if all the clouds were exactly the same, that would change the beauty and complexity of this sky that is you. Just breathe and imagine the big beautiful complex sky that is you.

Let this be your meditation today, or move on to the mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness Meditation:‍ ‍

Breathe and imagine the big beautiful complex sky that is you.

As you meditate on the sky and the clouds, notice that they are actually moving. Almost like a movie on repeat they float past on a revolving rotation.

As you breathe and watch, don’t be surprised if one of your clouds wants to stick around for a bit.  Just notice it and observe it. If it wants to play back a bit of a memory, just watch it and notice it. Let it be seen. Then use a repeated mantra phrase that will help it shift it's path and drift on. Maybe something you would lovingly tell a good friend if they were feeling haunted by a memory.  Maybe something like, “you learned from that moment” or “even then, you were enough”.  Repeat this until the thought/memory drifts on.  

Go back to imagining the big beautiful complex sky that is you.

If that same cloud (or another memory cloud) sticks around, patently let it be seen heard. Then use a repeated mantra to shift its path and allow it to drift on.

Closing Routine: When you are ready, rub fingers together a and take three cleansing breaths. Or find a closing routine that works for you.

Want to read up on the science on this one?

https://www.nyscf.org/resources/good-memory-or-bad-memory-how-your-brain-decides/

https://www.statnews.com/2022/07/20/how-brain-decides-what-memories-are-good-and-bad/