How to step out of the “Comparing Trap”
Creating a Life Drishti
Mindfulness Talk:
I fell into the “comparing trap” this week. I tripped in when a coworker casually mentioned something she had received that I had not. I should have stepped out, a bit bruised but no worse for wear, but I didn’t. I stayed in, and carried those comparing thoughts into other areas of my life, and started comparing there. Ugg. Tripping into the comparison trap is going to happen. Our busy lives see so many people, especially online. Our ponds are huge!
So when we trip in, how do we step out?
In the physical practice of yoga, you gaze at a single spot (drishti) to help you focus and stay balanced. You can see the other yogis out the corner of your eye, but they don’t affect your balance because your drishti is straight ahead. A gazing point! What a great practice for helping us step out of the comparing trap. Have a vision/focus of what success and happiness means to you, so you can look at others out the corner of your eye but they don’t throw off your balance.
But first we have to do the work of making our vision clear. Jay Shetty says, “if you don’t define what success and happiness means to you, then you - by default - will use the definition of others.” Just think! You stop by your friend’s house and it happens to be perfectly clean. Enter the comparison trap. But if you have taken the time to set a life drishti of your house, and being perfectly clean isn’t your vision, then you can step out of the comparing trap. You can notice the perfect cleaning out of the corner of your eye but it won’t throw you off. Jay suggests we set a clear definition of success and happiness for all parts of our life: homelife, relationships, work, finances, health, spiritual…
Eventually, there may be parts of our life that are so fulfilled that when we see a comparison out the corner of our eye, we can smile and honor it and even admire it! We are so comfortable with the way we are shining in that area of our life, that we can share our warm light with others.
Until next time,
Laura
Meditation:
Finding Present Meditation: For this meditation, find a object that represents one area of your life: homelife, relationship, work, finances, health, spiritual… Maybe you have a clear focus in this area of your life, or maybe you don’t. It doesn’t matter. Whatever object comes to mind, go ahead and use it.
Gaze at the object and breathe. Don’t think about the object or try to analyze it. Resist creating any goals or thoughts. Just gaze at it, almost through it. Your vision may get soft as you look through it.
Continue doing this meditation, or begin the mindfulness meditation.
Mindfulness Meditation: Continue to keep your focus on this object (maybe physically looking at it or maybe closing eyes and visualizing it). Breathe. As you focus, you might notice a thought or image or person pulling at you in your peripheral vision. It might be pulling you into guilt or shame or into “not enoughness”. It doesn’t matter. Just notice it in your peripheral vision. Eventually, it will go away. Then go back to your breathing and your focus object. Breathe.
You may notice another thought or image or person in your peripheral vision. Just notice it and what its pulling you to feel. When it goes away, go back to your focus and your breath.
Closing Routine: When you are ready, rub your fingers and take three cleansing breaths. You might want to journal after this meditation. Sorting out your thoughts might help you take a step towards that “life drishti” that you are creating.
