When it comes to big hurts, we need some empowering advice.

Mindfulness Talk:

When someone does something mean to me, my first human reaction is to do the same thing back at them.  Of course I know this isn’t healthy and I try to resist.  Sometimes I’m unsuccessful.  (My teenager’s sarcasm is a tough one for me.)  But many times I can ignore the behavior, and we all move on. 

But big hurts require better advice than just “ignore”, and that’s where pratipaksha-bhavana comes in.  It says that when someone does something hurtful to us, we should empower ourselves by doing the opposite.  

If someone really hurt you by talking behind your back, you actively work to do the opposite.  Every time you stop yourself from talking behind their back, you are reminded of what they did to you.  But you are also reminded of your commitment to do the opposite.  Its not revenge or ignoring. It’s empowering.

If someone really hurt you by choosing to not believe your words as truthful, you actively work to always listen to that person’s words from their point of view.  Every time you stop yourself from making assumptions and decide to ask them questions instead, you are reminded of the hurt you felt when they didn’t believe you.  But you are also reminded of your commitment to pratipaksha-bhavana.  It feels empowering.

If you choose to break off a relationship, you can still practice pratipaksha-bhavana.  Instead of doing the opposite when interacting with that person, you extend your pratipaksha-bhavana to other relationships. For example, if you choose to break off a relationship because the person withheld support, you actively work to stay aware of when other people around you are suffering.  Every time you take the time to support someone, you are sending out pratipaksha-bhavana into the world.  So much power!

Big hurts take time.  By practicing pratipaksha-bhavana, you are given many opportunities to remember the hurtful moments and actively work to heal from it.  Over time, the hurt begins to fade, but the good that you sent out into the world through your pratipaksha-bhavana lives on.  Now that’s what I call power! 

Until next time, 

Laura

Meditation:

Finding Present Meditation:

Find an image that evokes opposites, such as ying/yang or sun/moon. Maybe use this one: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=511891&picture=abstract-woman-sun-moon-boho

Gaze at the image and let the naturalness of opposites wash over you, and breathe.

If you wish, you could also try a practice of opposite nostril breathing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwRaIrAT4Bo

Continue this meditation, or begin the mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness Meditation:

Imagine a long rope sitting at the base of your spine or sit bones. Imagine it as red or yellow, and a bit coarse like a natural burlap. As you breathe, slowly imagine this rope traveling up the left side of your body. As it travels up, feeling a bit coarse, just notice it. It’s friction may begin to gather some heat. Just notice. As it travels up, a thought or feeling or image may arise with it. Don’t worry if the thought or feeling or image is a bit coarse or heated, just notice it. When the rope gets to the top, your head - your center, just breathe. If the thought or feeling or image wants to stick around, let it hang out here, in your center.

Now imagine another long rope sitting at the base of your spine or sit bones. Imagine it as blue, and smooth as silk. As you breathe, slowly imagine this silky rope traveling up the right side of your body. As it travels up, slowly and smoothly, just notice it’s softness and coolness. As it travels up, a thought or feeling or image may arise with it. Just notice it. When the rope gets to the top, your head - your center, just breathe.

Now imagine the two ropes combining, intertwining. If you had any heated thoughts, they are cooled now. If you had any cold thoughts, they are warming up now.

Now imagine the intertwined rope traveling down your center until it gathers at your sit bones, the base of your spine.

Closing Routine: When you are ready, rub fingers together and take three cleansing breaths. Or use a closing routine that works for you.